The Strength in Softness: Redefining Resilience for Women

Hey family, let’s talk. It’s Women’s History Month, and you already know we’re about to celebrate the strength, power, and legacy of the women who came before us. But I want to flip the conversation a little. When we talk about strength, we usually mean pushing through, holding it down for everyone, and carrying the weight of the world like it’s just another Tuesday. But what if I told you that real strength isn’t just about endurance, but about knowing when to rest, when to soften, and when to choose yourself?

For generations, women—especially Black women—have been expected to be the backbone, the nurturers, the fixers, the ones who hold it all together. And while that’s powerful, it’s also exhausting. Neuroscience backs this up—your brain, your nervous system, your entire body are wired for cycles of effort and recovery, not just constant grinding. And yet, so many of us feel guilty for slowing down.

💡 The Science of Resilience: It’s About Recovery, Not Just Endurance

Listen, resilience isn’t about never feeling stress or never struggling—it’s about how well you bounce back. Your nervous system is designed to move between activation (fight-or-flight mode) and recovery (rest-and-digest mode). When we ignore the need for rest, we get stuck in survival mode, which means:

🔹 Cortisol overload—aka stress hormone levels skyrocket, leading to anxiety, burnout, and fatigue

🔹 Overworked amygdala—the brain’s fear center stays on high alert, making it harder to stay calm and emotionally balanced

🔹 Brain fog & decision fatigue—because when your prefrontal cortex (the logical part of your brain) is overworked, everything feels overwhelming

And let’s be real—women are expected to carry emotional weight on top of everything else.

But research shows that embracing softness, stillness, and self-care actually makes us stronger, not weaker.

💆‍♀️ Rest as Resistance: Why Softness is Power

I need y’all to hear me when I say this: Rest is not a reward. It’s a necessity.

Activist and writer Audre Lorde said it best: "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." Because let’s be honest—society is perfectly fine with women running themselves into the ground as long as they’re still showing up, still taking care of others, still producing. But if you stop, if you rest, if you take time for yourself? That’s a whole problem. And that’s exactly why we need to redefine what strength looks like.

From a neuroscience perspective, rest isn’t just about preventing burnout—it’s literally how your brain heals and strengthens itself:

🧠 Deep sleep helps lock in memory, creativity, and emotional balance

💓 Activating the vagus nerve (through deep breathing & mindfulness) lowers stress & improves resilience

⚖️ Reducing cortisol levels strengthens your immune system & overall mental health

Softness isn’t weakness. It’s a biological requirement for resilience.

🔄 Practical Ways to Redefine Resilience (Without the Guilt)

So how do we start unlearning the idea that we have to be “strong” all the time? Here are some real, practical ways to integrate softness as strength in your daily life:

🔹 Set boundaries like your peace depends on it (because it does). Your brain needs predictability and control to avoid burnout. Protect your time, energy, and space.

🔹 Engage in active recovery. Meditation, stretching, deep breathing, music—whatever calms your system. Your nervous system thrives on intentional relaxation.

🔹 Reclaim joy without justifying it. Your dopamine system (aka your brain’s reward center) needs excitement and pleasure to function well. You don’t have to “earn” fun—you deserve it.

🔹 Give yourself permission to rest. Your mind and body work better when they have time to reset. Rest isn’t laziness—it’s how you come back stronger.

💙 Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Just BE

This Women’s History Month, let’s not just celebrate the women before us—let’s honor them by rejecting the idea that our worth is tied to how much we can endure. Strength isn’t just about how much you can carry. It’s about knowing when to put it down, breathe, and take care of yourself.

So let’s talk. What does softness mean to you? How are you letting yourself rest and recharge? Drop a comment, share your thoughts, or (better yet) close this tab and take a moment for yourself. You deserve it.